Wow, so how is it that after almost 29 years of life I finally have experienced love and heartache. I was never the type of girl who grew up planning her wedding, never picked out the names of children I might one day have. Never wanted the whole white picket fence.
But then one day just over 2 years ago I met the man who changed all of that. Me the “super slut” who just didn’t give a damn. For once in my life I took my time, I didn’t cheat. To think of it now i even started picking out the names of the future children who would drive us crazy. The idea of doing someone else’s laundry appealed to me. For once I was actually excited about maybe growing old with someone. But tonight I will finally admit to myself that those things are not in my future. O, I hung on as long as I could, but tonight I have ended it all. For real this time. I have done nothing but cried for the past 9 months or so (NO I am NOT pregnant thank you!). As I’m lying here tonight I can’t think about anything other than the extreme amount of pain deep inside my chest. I can’t even describe this feeling that has surrounded me. It has done nothing but grown for the past three months. Hell, I haven’t been able to read and enjoy gawker.com. This is just one of the many signs that something is truly wrong with me. I swear ALL I wanted was to be alone. All those years of being single and I swear I was fine. I was happy. Man I used to be such a HAPPY person. Yes, I was a bitch, but overall I was a happy bitch.
And now. Now I can’t go 24 hours without crying. Now I have no one i can go to. No one to explain what the hell is going on with me. If I were to tell anyone that I am feeling this way over a man, they wouldn’t believe me. They’d actually laugh at me. Because everyone knows I don’t give a damn about men. I don’t understand how I let this happen to me. Evidently I loved “too much” or “too hard”. Whatever. Hell I have never loved ANYONE, how the hell was I supposed to know there is a right and wrong way. Figures the ONE time in my life I don’t play games, I didn’t play with him like his sole purpose on earth was to please me and LOOK. Here I am. Alone. Crying like a fucking baby.
No Comments Yet
No comments yet.
Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI
Leave a comment
